When you hear your baby's first cry, it's magical. It's even more amazing when you give birth to twins or multiples and hear the beautiful sound coming from both or all of your babies.
But a lot of crying can be hard to cope with, especially if you have twins or multiples. You're either hearing wailing from one or the other newborn, or they'll be crying at the same time — which can be stressful and overwhelming for even the most patient, calm parent.
To help you keep your sanity, here's what you need to know about crying twin and multiple babies and how to best manage and care for them.
Why do babies cry?
For the first few months of life, crying is a baby's primary means of communication. Babies cry to express their needs, their wants and even their dislikes. The most common reasons for crying include hunger, a wet or dirty diaper, sleepiness, boredom and overstimulation. Pain and illness can also cause baby tears. And colic — a condition in which an otherwise healthy infant cries for three or more hours a day, for three or more days a week, for at least three weeks — is another possible reason.
Your job is to decipher why your babies are crying at that particular moment. And with twins, it's not always an easy task since each baby may have a different reason for sounding the siren.
Do twins and multiples cry more than singletons?
Although it may seem as though twin babies and multiples do a lot more crying than singletons, especially when they're taking turns sobbing, there’s no evidence that they spend more time wailing than other babies. Individually, each baby probably cries about the same amount as others.
When and how much your babies cry depends on each one's personality. One baby may be more laid-back and only cry when she's hungry or needs a diaper change. The other may be a little more sensitive and cry often, seemingly for no reason.
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Do multiples cry at the same time?
Sure, there will be instances when one baby is in tears and the other follows suit. But they won't always wail at the same time just because they're multiples. You'll also have occasions where one baby is inconsolable, while your other little bundle is sleeping soundly in the next crib, seemingly without a care in the world.
How to calm crying twins and multiples
When your two (or more) babies are crying one after the other or at the same time, it's hard to know which one to soothe first and what to do to get them to calm down. Here are some tips for handling crying twin babies.
Prioritize need
What do you do when both of or all your babies are crying at the same time? Which one do you tend to first? If your partner, family member or sitter is around, divide and conquer: You soothe one baby while he or she takes care of the other.
But when you're alone, it's a little more challenging. If one baby seems to be hurt or sick, you'll obviously want to attend to that twin first. But barring any noticeable pain or illness, you may choose to handle the most obvious issue first. If your baby girl is bawling because her pacifier fell out of her mouth, for instance, help her and then try to figure out why your little boy is wailing too. If one baby is crying louder and seems more upset, you might want to try soothing her first and then tending to the other baby (or babies) who aren't quite as worked up.
Put them together
Putting your infants foot-to-foot or swaddled side-by-side in the same crib sometimes can help to calm their tears. However, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) says that multiples should never sleep together in the same crib, as tandem sleeping may increase the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). So you’ll want to keep a close watch and move them to separate cribs as soon as they settle down.
Try some baby-soothing tactics
If you have already fed, rocked, changed and burped your babies, it may be time to get a little creative and break out your "soothe a crying baby" bag of tricks. Try singing or reading to them, giving them a little massage, doing a funny dance to entertain them or even taking them outside for some fresh air.
Just remember that what works for one baby may not work for the other, so you may have to try something totally different for each infant.
Let them cry
Yes, it's hard to hear a baby crying and do nothing. But if you have tried everything and your babies are still protesting verbally (and loudly), you may just have to let them cry for a little while. It's not going to hurt them, and in fact, they may wind up crying themselves to sleep or calming themselves down in time.
If it's too hard for you to be in the room while they cry, make sure they're safe and go into another part of the house. Just be sure to check on your babies every 10 to 15 minutes.
How to cope with crying multiples
So now you've got some tips for how to help your babies when they're crying, but what about you? How do you best deal with all the wailing and help yourself get through it? Here are some ways to cope with crying twin babies or multiples.
Drop the guilt
When it seems like your babies are always crying, it's hard not to feel that you're doing something wrong. Shake off those thoughts. Remember, all babies cry. They aren't doing it because you're a bad parent, and it's not your fault.
Even feelings of resentment or anger toward your wailing twins at times can be normal, as long as you don't act on them. Take a deep breath and remember that this is normal for newborn babies and the excessive crying stage will pass. And when in doubt, call your doctor or pediatrician.
Cater to you
It's easy to put yourself on the back burner when you have one infant, let alone more than one. But you should try as best as you can to make taking care of yourself a top priority.
Try to get some sleep (even if it means napping when your babies are napping), fit in some physical activity a few times a week and do your best to eat healthily and not skip meals.
It's a good idea to pamper yourself sometimes too. Get your partner, a relative or a sitter to watch the babies while you get a pedicure or massage (or do something else just for you). It's well-deserved, and taking care of yourself lets you take better care of your babies.
Call on others
Your family and friends have likely offered to pitch in whenever possible, but like a lot of proud mamas, you may not want to call on them or impose too much. Push your pride to the side. Caring for more than one baby is a tough job, and your family and friends want to help, so take them up on the offer.
Let your mother-in-law cook dinner for your family while you tend to the babies, put your partner on diaper- and crying-duty for a couple of hours while you take a nap, or ask a friend to sit with the babies so you can take a bath or get things done around the house.
Having others help can lower your stress, which will in turn make you better equipped to cope with your crying little cuties.
Cry it out
When your babies are on a back-and-forth crying jag, it's normal to want to cry yourself. So do it — or find another way to let it all out. Whether that means calling your mom or best friend, writing in a journal or even screaming into a pillow, getting out those pent-up feelings can do wonders for your state of mind.
Take a timeout
Remember, it's okay to let infants cry sometimes. If you're alone with them and the continuous wailing is getting to you, step away for a short break. Put your babies in their cribs, leave the room and take a little time to cool off. Don't forget to check on them every 10 to 15 minutes though.
Find other multiples moms
When possible, reach out to other moms of twins or multiples. They'll understand the fears, frustrations and joys that come with raising more than one baby at the same time.
Your pediatrician, the hospital where you delivered or Multiples of America should be able to point you to a local group. There are also online support groups, including a twins and multiples forum on What to Expect that are good places to go for a vent session, advice or commiseration.
Get help
Giving birth to multiples can increase the risk that you'll have postpartum depression (PPD). Know the symptoms of PPD so that you can spot it and get help early if it does develop.
Whether you think you might have PPD or not, if you ever feel like harming your babies or yourself, seek help immediately. Call your pediatrician or your own doctor so that you can get the support you and your children need.
While it may not seem like it now, the day will come when your babies aren't crying so much anymore, so know that this stage will pass as they grow. In the meantime, just do what it takes to soothe and comfort them when they cry; get as much help as you can from your partner, family, friends and sitters; and take care of yourself. And try to enjoy this time you have with those two (or more) beautiful babies of yours. Before you know it, they'll be toddlers!
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